Happy Tuesday everyone! Guess what? I'm on me'olidays! O so I haven't actually left the country yet, I don't jet off to Berlin until tomorrow, but I took yesterday and today off too, and it has been just what the doctor ordered!
Right, I'm not going to apologise for being the worst blogger on the planet, because recently I've started every post with an apology, and sometimes what you need is an explanation. So let's have a proper catch up shall we?
You might remember in my last Monday post I mentioned that I would be finding out about whether or o my project, and my job, got the funding to continue past February. A couple of days after that post we found out that we hadn't got it. But it's OK GUYS. No really, now it is ok, when I first found out, I must admit I freaked out a little. I did a pretty good job of hiding it at work I think but the thought of having to job search when I really didn't actually want a new job, and the idea of having to move and start somewhere new, really REALLY unsettled me.
I love change, when I feel ready for it, but this felt like it was out of my control, and while people kept telling me I'd find a new job in a heart beat, and that it could be exciting, it all just felt a little overwhelming. Two weeks on I feel like it isn't all as scary as it first appeared.
There is a back up plan at work and all being well, the change that comes about will be one that I have helped to orchestrate. I can't say much more about that right now, because there are a lot of ossibilities, and very few definites. Which the sensible part of me isn't entirely comfortable with, but I have faith in the universe.
That was also the week the attacks happened on Paris. Which definitely gave me a little perspective on my own situation and like many people has left me looking at the world a little differently. I want to write properly about this. Give the world and my opinions the air time they deserve, and I have several draft posts started on this, but the words and the feelings haven't settled yet, maybe some time away out in the world will help that.
One thing I can say, is that I have been counting my blessings a lot recently, to remind me that the world isn't always a terrible place, and that a change of job isn't the end of it.
My weekends have been filled with Christmas filled coffees, knitwear shopping with the young man, drinking gin with friends, and getting excited for Berlin. There are so many things I am grateful for at the moment, and while my own two feet and the world don't seem entirely steady where they stand at the moment, I have faith that it will be ok.
Because sometimes that's all we can have isn't it? The faith that things will be ok, and the eyes to look around and see the truth. To see the hate for what it is, but also the good, the love, and the luck we have in our own lives.
I've been preoccupied with all of that lately, and I continue to be. Which is why this post started off in one direction and went in another. It's why one minute making a happy list seems like the most important thing in the world to do, an the next seems flippant and full of folly. It's why when I come to sit down and blog, I end up looking at my cv. And it's why I can't apologise for being absent from this space, because I can't promise it will change any time soon.
But I hope you'l stay with me, and understand like you always do.
Now if you'll excuse me I had better go wash, pack, tidy because a holiday is just what I need!
Live life & ride out the unsteady times x
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