Happy Monday everyone! How the devil are you? And HOW beautiful was the weekend we've just had?
I'll be honest, I felt a little odd all weekend, a little spaced out, and it only occurred to me late last night what that feeling was. That's what it feels like not to be feeling guilty that you aren't some where else. That's what it feels like to spend an afternoon in the park and the sunshine, and not in the back of your mind be thinking 'I should really get back and work on...'
Because ladies and gentleman for the first time since the beginning of this year I OFFICIALLY have no extra freelance work on. No scripts to write, workshops to plan or blog collabs to post. I'm part relieved, part exhausted, and part terrified.
As I've mentioned many times before, I am an all or nothing kind of girl. And while the last couple of months have been stressful, and in the eyes of probably many I had taken on too much, I also felt like, even when I was at my most behind, I was also still at my best. Because being creative, fuels me. It fuels more ideas, and energy, and dreams. It keeps me up at night, dreaming up problems and then fixing them. It keeps my notebook stuck to my side and my blog full. In many many ways I thrive on stress.
Even though I know it isn't healthy to get so little decent sleep, and feel constantly a little anxious and I know that another week of that would have caused me to burn out completely, I also know that now I have nothing on, I'm likely to lull. Really really lull.
Because while I have a pretty big capacity to come up with creative ideas and make them happen, I have an even bigger capacity for doing nothing.
I can binge watch Netflix like a champion. I can get home and switch off and not feel the slightest bit of guilt about the recycling building up, or for forgetting to call my landlords again. I can convince myself in a heart beat that I need another night off despite having had the last 7 off. And while that might nt sound so bad to many people, who also have full time jobs, and respect that their time off is time off, it doesn't sit well for me.
Not because I'm some kind of super girl boss, or because I'm one of those bloggers that will tell you your lazy for just having one job, but because I need to be kept busy and creative, because if I'm not, I don't just rest, I stagnate.
Creativity feeds my creativity, being lazy feeds my laziness. Like I said all or nothing.
So in many ways I'm finding it hard to readjust to this down time. I know that having just come out of the storm, I do genuinely NEED time off but I'm also trying really really hard, to remember where the 'switch on' button is. So that once I've recuperated I can also kick back into gear.
And make those extra ideas and plans I've had over the past couple of months come to fruition. To make sure that this momentum doesn't stop, just slows down.
In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to go about that. I'm guessing the fact that I don't have anything new on Netlix to binge (please NO recommendations) and that while I'm powering down, I still have this wee space t keep me going will help. But in all honesty, like the rest of the world, I have no answer to finding the perfect balance.
So this week will be about enjoying that slightly spaced out feeling, making sure that any balls I've dropped in my full time job over the past couple of months are swiftly picked back up, and gently, oh so gently, keeping that ball rolling.
Here's to readjusting to down time x
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